This is why I don’t do serious. This is why I put up walls. This feeling of getting too close only to have it ripped away is like a glass of ice water to the face. Familiar, painful memories start to creep in, and that’s all it takes for the same anger and confusion to take root again.
I know it’s my own fault and, given my past experiences, I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve suddenly gotten in way over my head. Being alone is better. Easier. Isn’t it?
I knew it was dangerous to open myself up, even a little bit. Sometimes all it takes is one crack for an entire building to crumble. I’m stuck in a self-destructive spiral that makes me want to scream.
I don’t want this.
I can’t want this.
But in such a short time — especially after tonight — I’ve grown so attached to Luc that I’m not sure I have the strength to walk away. He’s so sweet and funny and caring and he’s slowly working his way into my heart. I know it’s crazy, but I’m willing to take whatever he’ll give me for now, even if it means sharing him. I want so desperately to believe that I make a difference for him…that he can be different for me, too.
I pull my dress over my head and curl up on the edge of Lucas’ bed. As my eyes drift closed, I uselessly let myself imagine a life beyond being just friends with Luc. We both have pasts, but maybe our future together can help fade that.
If anyone is going to piece me back together and make me feel whole again, it’s Lucas.
Which means he also has the potential to seriously shatter me.
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All rights reserved. © 2016 Jessica Serra Huizenga